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Advocates for a Violence-Free Community

.TEEN and YOUTH

Dating Abuse Statistics
What Should I Look For in a Boy/Girlfriend?
Types of Abuse
Should We Break Up?

Source: www.loveisrespect.org

Dating Abuse Statistics

Young adult dating violence is a big problem, affecting youth in every community across the nation. Learn the facts below.

Too Common

Nearly 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner in a single year.
One in three adolescents in the U.S. is a victim of physical, sexual, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner, a figure that far exceeds rates of other types of youth violence.
One in 10 high school students has been purposefully hit, slapped or physically hurt by a boyfriend or girlfriend.
One quarter of high school girls have been victims of physical or sexual abuse.

Why Focus on Young People?

Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence -- almost triple the national average.
Violent behavior typically begins between the ages of 12 and 18.
The severity of intimate partner violence is often greater in cases where the pattern of abuse was established in adolescence.
About 72% of eighth and ninth graders are “dating".

Long-lasting Effects

Violent relationships in adolescence can have serious ramifications by putting the victims at higher risk for substance abuse, eating disorders, risky sexual behavior and further domestic violence.
Being physically or sexually abused makes teen girls six times more likely to become pregnant and twice as likely to get a STI.
Half of youth who have been victims of both dating violence and rape attempt suicide, compared to 12.5% of non-abused girls and 5.4% of non-abused boys.

Dating Violence and the Law

Eight states currently do not include dating relationships in their definition of domestic violence. As a result, young victims of dating abuse often cannot apply for restraining orders.
New Hampshire is the only state where the law specifically allows a minor of any age to apply for a protection order; more than half of states do not specify the minimum age of a petitioner.
Currently only one juvenile domestic violence court in the country focuses exclusively on teen dating violence.

Lack of Awareness

Only 33% of teens who were in a violent relationship ever told anyone about the abuse.
Eighty one percent of parents believe teen dating violence is not an issue or admit they don’t know if it’s an issue.
A teen’s confusion about the law and their desire for confidentiality are two of the most significant barriers stopping young victims of abuse from seeking help.

What Should I Look for in a Boy/Girlfriend?

Relationships require respect, trust and open communication. Whether you’re looking for a relationship or are already in one, make sure you and your partner agree on what makes a relationship healthy. It’s not always easy, but you can build a healthy relationship.

Look for someone who will:

Treat you with respect.
Doesn’t make fun of things you like or want to do.
Never puts you down.
Doesn’t get angry if you spend time with your friends or family.
Listens to your ideas and comprises sometimes.
Isn't excessively negative.
Shares some of your interests such as movies, sports, reading, dancing or music.
Isn’t afraid to share their thoughts and feelings.
Is comfortable around your friends and family.
Is proud of your accomplishments and successes.
Respects your boundaries and does not abuse technology.
Doesn’t require you to "check in" or need to know where you are all the time.
Is caring and honest.
Doesn’t pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do.
Doesn’t constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful.
Encourages you to do well in school or at work.
Doesn’t threaten you or make you feel scared.
Understands the importance of healthy relationships.

Remember that a relationship consists of two people. Both you and your partner should have equal say and never be afraid to express how you feel. It’s not just about speaking up for yourself -- you should also listen and seriously consider what your partner says.

Every relationship has arguments and disagreements sometimes -- this is normal. How you choose to deal with your disagreements is what really counts. Both people should work hard to communicate effectively.

TYPES OF ABUSE

There are many types of abuse and they are all difficult to experience. Remember, each type of abuse is serious and no one deserves to experience any form of it.

Emotional Abuse/Verbal Abuse

Non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation or isolation.

Stalking

Being repeatedly watched, followed or harassed.

Financial Abuse

Using money or access to accounts to exert power and control over a partner.

Physical Abuse

Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon.

Sexual Abuse

Any action that impacts a person's ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including restricting access to birth control or condoms.

Digital Abuse

The use of technology such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated through technology.

SHOULD WE BREAK UP?

If you're in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, figuring out the next step can be very difficult. You have feelings for this person and have developed a history with them. However, it's the future, not the past, that you should consider. Will you be happy with them? Will you be able to achieve your goals? Will you feel safe? Whatever decision you make, we can help you plan for your safety.

Staying Together

You may not be ready or it may not be possible to leave your abusive relationship, but you can still increase your safety. Try following these tips:

If you go to a party or event with your partner, plan a way home with someone you trust.
Avoid being alone with your partner. Make sure that other people are around when you're together.
If you're alone with your partner, make sure that someone knows where you are and when you'll return.

How to Prepare for a Break Up

You may feel pressure from your friends and family to just break up and move on, but it may not be that simple. Here are some things to keep in mind when thinking about breaking up:

The person you’re dating has probably become a huge part of your life. You might see more of them now than you do your friends or family. So being scared about feeling lonely after the break up is normal. Talking to friends or finding new activities may make filling your new free time easier.
You'll probably miss your partner after you break up, maybe a lot. Even if they’ve been abusive and controlling, it's normal to miss them. Try writing down the reasons you want to end your relationship and keep them as a reminder for later on.
If your partner is controlling and jealous, they may make a lot of decisions for you. It can take time to adjust to making your own decisions again. If you start to feel helpless or overwhelmed, tap into your support system.
You may be scared to end your relationship. If you are, take that fear seriously.

Breaking Up

Ending an unhealthy or abusive relationship is not like ending a healthy one. Your abusive partner may not accept the break up or respect your boundaries. They may try to control you through guilt trips, threats or insults. It may be very difficult to have a peaceful or mutual breakup with an abusive partner. Just know that as long as YOU are ok with the decision, it’s ok if your partner is not. If you're thinking of ending your relationship, consider these tips:

If you don’t feel safe, don’t break up in person. It may seem cruel to break up over the phone or by email but it may be the safest way.
If you break up in person, do it in a public place. Have friends or your parents wait nearby. Try to take a cell phone with you.
Don’t try to explain your reasons for ending the relationship more than once. There is nothing you can say that will make your ex happy.
Let your friends and parents know you are ending your relationship, especially if you think your ex will come to your house or confront you when you're alone.
If your ex does come to your house when you’re alone, don’t go to the door.
Trust yourself. If you feel afraid, you probably have a good reason.
Ask for help. Chat with an advocate who is trained and ready to answer your questions.

After Breaking Up

Just because an unhealthy or abusive relationship is over, doesn’t mean the risk of violence is too. Use these tips to stay safe after ending your relationship:

Talk with your friends and family so they can support you.
If you can, tell your parents what’s going on, especially if your ex may come by your home.
Talk to a school counselor or teacher you trust. Together, you can alert security, adjust your class schedule or find other ways to help you feel safer.
Avoid isolated areas at school and local hangouts. Don’t walk alone or wear earphones.
Keep friends or family close when attending parties or events you think your ex might attend.
Save any threatening or harassing messages your ex sends. Set your profile to private on social networking sites and ask friends to do the same.
If you ever feel you're in immediate danger, call 911.
Memorize important numbers in case you don’t have access to your cell phone.